Whose Line Is It Anyway?
by PartlyFoxyPartlyGrandma
Summary: Taken from the popular TV show, the characters of the HP series act out one of the games.
1. Alphabet

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, I don't own "Whose Line is it Anyway?" and I don't own… anything else you recognize.  
  
Spoilers: I'll probably spoil something by the time this story is over. I'm very clumsy.  
  
Rating: PG-13 for now, but may change later. Also has a few curse words.  
  
A/N: Have you ever watched the show "Whose Line is it Anyway"? It's very good, no matter if it's the older or the newer version. I've stolen a game from it, called Alphabet, and the audience chooses what letter the two people playing start with. Say, for instance, the audience chooses the letter "H". The people playing have to begin the first word they say with that letter. They also must act out whatever the host tells them to act out. The other person then starts with the letter "I" while still playing the role they've been told to play. The two go on like this until they get all the way to "G". All of this must be done in sixty seconds. Of course, in my story I might use more than two characters, but I'll stay with the same rules the show uses. Drew Carrey will be my host, and I don't own him either. I don't really want to, either!  
  
Drew: Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway", the improvisational show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Here with us we have the actual characters of the "Harry Potter" series, though how that happened, I'll never know! We're going to play "Alphabet", and I think that from the Author's Notes, everyone knows how to play. Am I correct in saying that?  
  
(Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and Draco Malfoy all nod their heads.)  
  
Drew: All right then, let's get started. This game is for everyone, how strange is that? (He turns toward the audience) What letter should they start with?  
  
(The audience shouts out letters, and the dominant one is "J".)  
  
Drew: J! Okay, Harry. You start. You have to act out a scene from one of Hogwarts' corridors, where Draco and you other three are having a fight. You have sixty seconds. Start!  
  
Harry: Just in time, Malfoy.  
  
Draco: (pausing) Killing two birds with one stone? (He points at Ron and Hermione)  
  
Hermione: Let's just say that I'd rather he be my lover than you!  
  
Ron: …Mommy!  
  
(Drew laughs)  
  
Harry: No way am I letting you stop me, Malfoy!  
  
Draco: Oh, and I suppose you'd like to mess with this? (He takes out his wand.)  
  
Hermione: Please, Harry! (Grabbing his robes) Don't do it!  
  
Ron: Quit it, Hermione!  
  
Harry: Ron, are you jealous?  
  
Draco: Shut up, Scarface!  
  
Hermione: Time to say goodbye, Malfoy! (Also takes out wand.)  
  
Ron: (pausing to repeat alphabet in head) Ugh! I just had a bad image!  
  
Harry: (stifling a laugh) Very good, Ron. You know how to read!  
  
Draco: What in Merlin's name?  
  
Hermione: (thinks for a while) Xylophones!  
  
(The audience laughs.)  
  
Ron: Yes, I was just about to play one.  
  
Harry: …Zip down the corridor, quick! Here comes Percy!  
  
(They all look in the direction Harry points in.)  
  
Draco: And is this your idea of a joke?  
  
Hermione: But if it were, would you laugh?  
  
Drew: 30 seconds!  
  
Ron: (quickly while pretending to play the xylophone) Can't I get some peace and quiet?  
  
Harry: Damn, Ron, you're good!  
  
(Hermione giggles.)  
  
Draco: Except for this! (He pretends to turn Ron's xylophone into something else)  
  
Hermione: Fooled again!  
  
Ron: God, Malfoy, what did my xylophone ever do to you?  
  
Harry: Haven't you learned your lesson? (He gets Draco into a headlock, who fights back.)  
  
Draco: In your wildest dreams, Potter!  
  
(Drew sounds his buzzer, which signals the end of the game. The audience applauds wildly.)  
  
Drew: Join us next time for another game of "Alphabet"!  
  
A/N: Should I do another chapter? If so, review and tell me what it should be about, which letter to start with, and who to put in it. It's hard for me to think all that up by myself, although I had a lot of fun with it! If I get enough reviews, I might put more than one game in a chapter. Until then, think, think, think! I hope you liked it! 


	2. Props and Party Quirks

Disclaimer: I don't own anything really. I'm very sad!  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Spoilers: Lots of them, I suppose.  
  
A/N: Since the success of my first chapter, I have decided that I will in fact do another! This one is longer, and I'm doing more than one game. I would try to do a whole show, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to. Maybe after this chapter I'll try to do an entire Whose Line. Until then, enjoy this chapter, which includes Props and Party Quirks, two of the best games on Whose Line! Sorry if I didn't use somebody's suggestions, but I WILL use them in another chapter! I promise! Oh yeah, sorry it took so long for me to get this out! Do you know how HARD it is to think these things up?  
  
Drew: That was an interesting game of Alphabet! Now let's play Props (he's holding something that looks like Styrofoam in the shape of a hook and gives it to Hermione and Draco.) This is for you and—(he holds up two round objects with holes in the middle and hands them to Harry and Ron) these are for you. When it's your turn, you must come up with a new idea of how to use your prop. I'll start with Hermione and Draco. Ready? Go!  
  
(Draco puts it up to his nose and Hermione pretends to feed him something.)  
  
Hermione: Malfoy want a cracker?  
  
Draco: Brawk!  
  
(Buzzer. Camera goes to Harry and Ron, who are wearing their props over their heads like halos.)  
  
Ron: So… what did you do to end up here?  
  
(Buzzer. Hermione is holding the prop behind her back and is in the middle of telling Draco a story.)  
  
Hermione: And when I woke up, I realized that they traded my hand for a hook! (She pulls the "hook" from behind her back and Draco shrieks.)  
  
(Buzzer. Harry is looking through the holes like they're glasses, which is funny because he already has glasses.)  
  
Harry: Hi, I'm Drew Carrey!  
  
(Buzzer. Drew is laughing along with the audience, though not quite as hard. Draco has his prop held up to his ear.)  
  
Draco: Sorry, Mom, but everyone else was getting an earring!  
  
(Buzzer. The circles are stacked one on top of the other as the camera moves back to Ron and Harry.)  
  
Ron: I said "weight", not "eight"!  
  
(Buzzer sounds for the end of the game.)  
  
Drew: Since the points don't matter, I'm going to award them through telepathy! (He points at his head and closes his eyes for a second. You can see Harry celebrating quietly while laughing and pointing at the other three contestants.) Our next game is Party Quirks. Three people have been invited to a party being held by the fourth, and the other three must play the roles that have been stated on their cards (Ron, Harry, and Draco are seen reading their envelopes.). The fourth person has to figure out what those people are. Hermione, whenever you're ready.  
  
(Hermione has stepped out and is seen arranging something for her party. Ron rings the "doorbell", and Hermione goes to answer it. He enters, and the caption reads "Depressed Sports Announcer".)  
  
Hermione: Hi! How nice of you to come to my party!  
  
Ron: (glaring at her) He misses! How terrible! (He starts to cry)  
  
Hermione: Um, please do come in.  
  
Ron: Beer! He scores! (Pretends to drink two cans of beer at one time)  
  
(The "doorbell" rings, and Draco is standing at the door. The caption says, "Fairy Princess".)  
  
Hermione: Oh, do come in.  
  
Draco: Screw this! (He walks off the stage and out a door to his left.)  
  
Hermione: I don't get it. What is he supposed to be?  
  
Drew: That wasn't supposed to happen! Um…………. (He taps a piece of paper on the desk in front of him) what are we supposed to do now?  
  
Harry: Are you sure that wasn't part of his role? Maybe he was Snape on a bad day!  
  
(A cameraman runs over to Drew and whispers something in his ear.)  
  
Drew: I guess we're done with that game, but there's no need to worry! We have Professor Severus Snape here to take Draco Malfoy's part!  
  
(A few people cower, some in delight and some in fear.)  
  
Snape: I didn't agree to this! (He takes out his wand and turns Drew into a spider.)  
  
Ron: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Hermione: What are we supposed to do now?  
  
(Everyone looks about for something to do.)  
  
A/N: That's the end of this chapter! Stay tuned for the next! And a thank you so much to all of my reviewers. I only got one bad comment! Sorry if I've left you hanging, but I have to end somewhere! Please tell me what you thought of this one. Was it better, or was it stupider? I must know! 


	3. Snape's Game of Alphabet

Disclaimer: None of them are owned by PartlyFoxyPartlyGrandma. Do you hear me? None, I say!  
  
Spoilers: Yes. For both the books AND the show.  
  
Rating: Still PG-13.  
  
A/N: The last time you tuned in, Draco had left after being called a fairy princess. Snape took his place but, unfortunately, turned our host into a spider and scared Ron shitless. Whoops! Did I say that? Yes. Yes I did. (The thought of Drew being a spider scares me shitless, too, because I happen to have arachnophobia. Nonetheless, I will work hard to make this chapter appealing, even if it does have a spider in it!)  
  
Snape: Quit sniveling, Miss Granger!  
  
Hermione: I wasn't sniveling!  
  
Snape: SILENCE! (The audience the whole time had been looking back and forth between the two of them) Now we're going to play by my rules.  
  
Harry: Why do I get a bad feeling about this?  
  
Snape: Because you're going to be playing "Alphabet" again, that's why! (He laughs an evil laugh. People tend to do that when they're being evil!) The letter is R, and get cracking.  
  
Hermione: But Professor, we need another player. It just wouldn't be right without Malfoy!  
  
(Snape is sitting in Drew's seat and is petting Drew absentmindedly.)  
  
Snape: Fine. I'll take his place. (He stands up and considers throwing Drew at Ron, but thinks better of it. But that would be his first and last good deed of the day.)  
  
Harry: Who goes first?  
  
Snape: Well, considering you're the "celebrity" here, why don't you, Mr. Potter?  
  
Harry: But I went last time!  
  
Snape: (Sighing) Fine. Miss Granger? Would you do us the honors?  
  
Hermione: But of course.  
  
Snape: Go. We have sixty seconds.  
  
Ron: HOLD ON! What are we supposed to be acting out?  
  
Snape: Pretend I'm about to kill you!  
  
Ron: Oh, that shouldn't be too hard.  
  
Hermione: May I start now?  
  
(Snape slaps himself on the forehead.)  
  
Snape: PLEASE!  
  
Hermione: Ron! You shouldn't have added that last bit of Mandrake root.  
  
Ron: Sorry, Hermione, but I thought you said you wanted an aphrodisiac!  
  
Harry: Thanks for giving me bad images, Ron!  
  
Snape: Until you three shut up, I am going to stand here menacingly.  
  
Hermione: Voldemort's behind you, Professor.  
  
(Snape actually turns around.)  
  
Ron: Why did you have to say that name, Hermione?  
  
Harry: Xavier says he liked his wild ride last night, Professor Snape!  
  
(Snape is seething by now.)  
  
Snape: You are expelled from Hogwarts, Mr. Potter.  
  
(Harry gasps.)  
  
Hermione: Zesty, aren't we, Professor?  
  
(Ron gives her a weird look.)  
  
Ron: Actually, he's pretty cruel and malicious if you ask me!  
  
Harry: Buttering up to the teacher, are we, Ron?  
  
Snape: Can't you be quiet for five seconds, Potter, and take a page out of Mr. Weasley's book?  
  
(Ron sticks his tongue out at Harry.)  
  
Hermione: Don't you think this is getting a bit weird?  
  
Ron: Especially since we're being kind of nice to Snape?  
  
Harry: Full of crap, you two are!  
  
Snape: Give it up you three! You suck at this game!  
  
Hermione: Ha! YOU suck!  
  
Ron: I DON'T SUCK!  
  
Harry: Just because you're a Weasley doesn't mean you're always the center of attention! Sheesh!  
  
Snape: Kill! I'll kill you all!  
  
Hermione: Leave me alone! I didn't do anything!  
  
Ron: Man, oh man, is this getting good!  
  
Harry: Nobody likes you, Snape! Get it through your greasy head!  
  
(Snape glares at him.)  
  
Snape: Oh, would you like me to break your wand in half as well as expel you?  
  
(Harry's eyes widen.)  
  
Hermione: Please, Professor! Have mercy on him!  
  
Ron: Quit this game! It's getting too weird!  
  
Snape: THANK MERLIN'S DEFORMED TOES THAT'S OVER!  
  
A/N: Well, that was strange, but you can't blame me for that. Okay, so maybe you could, but it's (looks at clock) 3:56 AM, and I need some sleep. If you like, you could print my story out and use it for target practice. ANOTHER NOTE: I'm so happy I've gotten 15 reviews after two chapters only! That's a surprise for me! Please stay tuned for the next chapter! And don't forget to review and tell me what exactly you liked about this (or didn't like, it doesn't matter)! 


	4. Yet Another Game

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything. Part of me says that's a good thing, though..  
  
Spoilers: Oh, absolutely!  
  
Rating: I think this story's pretty much going to stay PG-13, but I'm not really sure why.  
  
A/N: I feel so terrible! I'm on summer vacation right now, and it's almost over, but for all of June and part of July, I had to live with my sister WITHOUT A COMPUTER! It was complete and utter hell. Anyway, the reason I feel so terrible is because I haven't updated this story in quite a while! Usually, that's not like me. I actually have people out there who want to review my story. I'm very sorry, and I hope you can forgive me! Now, the trio and Snape played a little game of Alphabet (which I don't really see Snape doing again anytime soon, even if he is my favorite character. I quickly got tired of him in this.), and I don't think Ron will stay much longer if Drew remains a spider (nor will I!). So, read on, if you still want to!  
  
Ron: Um, Professor Snape? (He's standing as far away from the desk as he can and is slightly whimpering)  
  
Snape: What is it now?  
  
(Ron simply points at Drew.)  
  
Snape: (looking in the direction he points) I don't see a problem. And that's a detention, Weasley, plus 10 points from Gryffindor-from each of you. You have all wasted my precious time! (He walks away)  
  
Harry: (Checking to see that he's out of hearing range) Precious time he should've used taking a shower!  
  
Hermione: (glaring at Harry) Well, what are we supposed to do now? We have no host or a fourth person. And we're not allowed to use magic outside of school.  
  
Ron: That's the least of my worries!  
  
(The other two look and see him trying not to watch the spider form of Drew.)  
  
Member of the Audience: Is this part of the show? Because you guys are some really bad actors!  
  
(Suddenly, Lucius Malfoy storms in holding Draco by the ear just as someone throws a tomato onstage. Obviously that person didn't like the show.)  
  
Lucius: I thought you might like him back. (He looks at Harry while clutching his wand, and then looks at Hermione and last at Ron, the only full-blooded wizard there besides him and his son.) Don't let them touch you, Draco.  
  
Draco: (holding his ear) Okay, father!  
  
(Hermione gets an idea, like she always does. in the books that is. If this were the movie, Harry would have all the ideas!)  
  
Hermione: Excuse me, sir. We might have a hard time without a host. Would you please turn him back into human?  
  
Lucius: I think he looks better that way.  
  
(All color drains from Ron's face.)  
  
Hermione: But. you could benefit from this.  
  
Lucius: (looking at her bitterly, not believing a word she says) How?  
  
Hermione: Er-well..  
  
Draco: (finally catching on, as Harry just stands there still confused and Ron passes out on the steps) Publicity!  
  
(Lucius looks at him, now interested.)  
  
Lucius: Publicity, eh? (Rubbing his chin) What kind of publicity?  
  
Draco: (Fishing for an idea) Muggle television! Do some magic on here, and they'll think you're a god! You can even be the next Jerry Springer to them.  
  
Lucius: (not knowing who Jerry Springer is) Power! You've got it! (He turns Drew back into his original form and then, satisfied at the crowd's reaction, which was very loud gasps, walks offstage)  
  
Draco: Mudblood (pointing at Hermione), go wake up Weasel.  
  
(Hermione does so as Drew cleans his glasses.)  
  
Drew: Um. that was interesting. We're going to play another game. The name of it has slipped my mind, since I don't have my cards, but I do have these envelopes for two players! And I'm the one who gets to choose those two players. (He thinks for a few seconds.) Ron and Draco. Take these. (They take them.)  
  
Ron: What are these for?  
  
Drew: I was just getting there! Geeze! You have to act out a scene in which Draco is a drunken bastard and Ron is his nagging wife. You have two phrases, hand selected, of which you pull out of your pockets and say them aloud. Is all that understood?  
  
(Ron and Draco look at each other, and Ron's face is unusually red. They nod.)  
  
Drew: Good. Then get started!  
  
(The two walk over to the middle of the stage while placing the envelopes in their pockets.)  
  
Draco: (stumbling in like the character he's supposed to play and hanging onto Ron) Honey (his speech is all slurred), there's something I gotta say to you. (He pulls a piece of paper from his pocket.)  
  
Ron: (with a high-pitched voice, but looking very angry, like someone from Monty Python) And what is it?  
  
Draco: There is no one else that I can say this to. There is no one better.. (He looks at the paper) "Get up, Captain Stiffy!"  
  
(The audience bursts into laughter while Ron forces back a smile.)  
  
Ron: (suddenly getting very serious) How dare you say such a thing! You're drunk, aren't you?  
  
Draco: I wouldn't say that..  
  
Ron: No, you're drunk! And you know what that means! (He pulls a piece of paper from his pocket, too.) "In the morning, I'm making slushies."  
  
Draco: (not even trying to hide his smile) Why wait till morning?  
  
Ron: Because you're drunk!  
  
Draco: Fine! Then let's go to bed. (He pulls the second piece of paper from his pocket.) "What wonders and horrors await you here?"  
  
Ron: Well, after the first thing you told me..  
  
Draco: (Holding his hand to his ear) What's that?  
  
Ron: (pulling his second piece of paper out) "Look out girl, 'cause I'm gonna getcha!"  
  
(Drew hits the buzzer a few times as the audience goes wild. Draco and Ron shake hands before walking back to their seats.  
  
Drew: Don't go away! There's more "Whose Line Is It Anyway-Harry Potter Style" coming up after this break!  
  
A/N: Phew! I finally got that written! Once again, I am very sorry for keeping you waiting. I hope you liked this one because I'm very partial to this chapter! I also hope this makes up for the long wait! Also, if you haven't seen "Road to Perdition" with Tom Hanks, you must! It is brilliant. 


	5. Superheroes

Disclaimer: All the characters of the HP series belong to J.K. Rowling. Drew Carrey owns himself. Anything else you might recognize is all probably stolen, but think of it as "just a coincidence"!  
  
Spoilers: Way too many to name....  
  
Rating: PG-13 for language reasons  
  
A/N: Finally another chapter! I know, I know, it took me quite a long time to get back at this spot, eh? Well, be quiet! I might just have been locked up in the loony bin! (Hey, you never know! Just read my stupid stories and you'll understand!) At this point of the story, I'm not quite sure yet what game they'll be playing, but remember! It's up to you to keep bringing this story back! Review, my loyal fan fiction, Harry Potter obsessed readers! This is the story of the century (over-exaggeration added, of course....)!!!  
  
*Intro music is played, signifying the end of the commercial break.*  
  
Drew: Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway, the improvisational show where everything's made up and the points don't matter! Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've said it a million times. I'm sure by now you have that imbedded into your skulls.  
  
*In the background Harry nods fervently while Ron rubs his head. Draco and Hermione just give them strange looks.*  
  
Drew: *pausing for a few moments* Thank you so much for establishing that, guys. I appreciate it. Now we are going to play "Superheroes". I'm sure everyone watching at home will soon understand the game once we get started. And if you don't, I am very, very sorry for your serious lack of, well, brains.  
  
*There is some fake laughter from the audience.*  
  
Drew: Since Hermione hasn't had much of a spotlight during these past 4 chapters, I'm going to finally give this to her. Please, Ms. Granger, start us off. But first we need to know what Superhero she'll be playing. Audience, any suggestions?  
  
*Several names are blurted out from the unenthusiastic crowd behind him, ranging from "Toe Jam Man" to "Super Hair Curlers Girl".*  
  
Ron: I want to see 'Mione as Toe Jam Man!  
  
*There are some whistles from the audience.*  
  
Drew: *a little aggravated* Fine. Toe Jam Man it is. Now what is the crisis?  
  
Random Audience Member: Diapers on Steroids Massacre!  
  
*Everybody laughs. Drew giggles uncontrollably and turns red.*  
  
Drew: *having calmed down enough to talk* Okay, Hermione. Take it away!  
  
*Hermione walks to center stage and sits down on a stool, where she proceeds to take her shoes and socks off.*  
  
Hermione: *speaking to her toes* Hello, my precious! And how are you today? Do you have any goodies for me? *she starts poking between all her toes and the audience laughs politely.*  
  
*Ron jumps in.*  
  
Ron: Sorry I'm late. I was just flying over Bristol when I learned it was Duck Season.  
  
Hermione: There you are, Magic Flying Duck Boy! We have a problem! Gigantic diapers on steroids are taking over the whole village! They're killing all men and letting women and children go free!  
  
Ron: Oh no!  
  
Hermione: Oh yes! Look at the monitor! *points at space in front of her*  
  
Ron: Oh no!  
  
Hermione: Oh yes!  
  
*Ron bends down and starts to waddle, quacking every few steps.*  
  
*Harry jumps in.*  
  
Harry: *giving Ron a bit of a weird look* Hello! Would have been here sooner but I couldn't find my thong.  
  
Ron: Finally you're here, Shroom Cloud Kid! What have you been doing this whole time?  
  
Harry: *raising an eyebrow* Drugs of course! Did you really have to ask? *He tries to look all slumped over and cool.*  
  
Hermione: Well, we have a crisis!  
  
Harry: Yeah, we're out of Mary Jane.  
  
*Draco saunders onstage.*  
  
Draco: Sorry it's taken me this long to get here. I just didn't care.  
  
*Ron quacks.*  
  
Harry: Did you bring my crack, Titty Twister Man?  
  
Draco: *a bit alarmed at first but then gets used to the idea* Of course. *He reaches into his pocket and then goes to hand Harry a pretend bag of "crack" but instead twists his nipple.*  
  
Harry: Dude, that wasn't cool.  
  
Draco: Titty twister!  
  
Hermione: What are we going to do about the diapers?  
  
Draco: Hey, what's worse than a hurricane?  
  
*She thinks for a minute.*  
  
Hermione: Diapers on steroids?  
  
Draco: Nope! A titty twister! *He cops a feel and twists her nipple.*  
  
Hermione: Ouch!  
  
Draco: I've done everything I can do here. I'm going back to my cave! *He runs offstage.*  
  
Harry: Just nuke 'em. *He follows Draco.*  
  
*Ron quacks and pretends to fly away.*  
  
Hermione: Well, I guess our work here is done! I guess I'll just aim a nuclear bomb at the Steroid Diapers and threaten them within inches of their lives! *She continues after Ron, carrying the stool with her.*  
  
*Drew sounds the buzzer as the audience claps wildly.*  
  
Drew: Great game! A thousand points to Draco Malfoy for the stupid humor! Don't go away! Whose Line is it Anyway will be right back after this break!  
  
A/N: Wow! That was the easiest one I have ever written! I think I really like the Superheroes game! And yes, I know it probably was somewhat stupid! But I think it's hilarious! Please tell me what you think of it! Also, give me some suggestions of what to do next! I really need your help, guys! 


End file.
